Alternate Talent Trees

That’s right, you heard it here first – thanks to some inside information* from one of the best male blood elf holy priests sporting monocles and rockin’ mustaches out there (It’s only a crowded niche because of the copycats…)  we now know that Blizzard will be introducing new talent trees in a future patch or expansion!

Naturally the testing involved while perfecting a fourth talent tree for every class is extensive, so I can only offer some meager guesses as to what these specs will be.  Let’s start with the one we know the most about:

Class: Priest
Talent Tree: Clown
Features: 1 point talent “Clowns Are Scary” AOE Fears any mobs or players 10 levels or more below the caster. This skill is on auto-cast and cannot be disabled.

Can put talent points into “Rodeo Clown.” which gives priest extra Stamina and the ability to transfer damage to the priest so long as a Tauren is within casting range.

Also, for some reason most priests using this spec don’t seem to mind leveling through Outland.

But wait, there’s more!  I used my enormous brainpower** and contacted a few Blizz developers*** to get the scoop on the other classes:

Class: Rogue
Talent Tree: Ninja
Features: Can assume “Ninja Form.” in the same way that priests can assume shadow form.  However, this does not change their physical appearance as much as it makes them appear to be fine upstanding players to the rest of the PUG.  Auto-generated text will compliment PUG members on their prowess and snide comments about the tank not holding aggro (and the ubiquitous “HEALZ!” yelled in /RW) will be blocked.

Can put points into “Phat Lewt,” which adds 5/10/15 points to all need/greed rolls and allows them to pickpocket actual items (nonsoulbound only) out of player bags.

51 point talent allows rogue to change character’s name with a 5 minute cast time.

Class: Mage
Talent Tree: Vending Machine
Features:  Conjured consumables are only created in full stacks.  51 point talent makes conjured consumables buff players as if they were Small Feasts.

Can put points into “Mass Transit,” which makes all portals instant cast, and “Greyhound,” which allows the mage to create a portal to any location with a known flight path.

Class: Paladin
Talent Tree: Leeroy
Features:  Can put points into “Say My Name,” an AOE taunt that automatically crits and has double the range when used against dragonkin.

Can put points into “Conjure Chicken,” which summons a small flock of chickens upon the paladin’s eventual death.  When killed by raid members the chickens become random buff food, but only if the paladin has not released or been rezzed.

Class: Druid
Talent Tree: Wonder Twins
Features: Available only through a program similar to recruit-a-friend, both druids have many more shapeshifting options but only when they shift simultaneously and only if they stay within casting distance of each other.

51 point talent allows “Form of Ice-9,” which crashes the server to avoid embarrassing wipes.

Class: Shaman
Talent Tree: U-Haul
Features: Talent tree has 50 points of blank spaces that give no benefit whatsoever.  51 point talent allows the shaman to equip a shopping cart in their off hand in which they can place all their totems so they become mobile.

Class: Warrior
Talent Tree: Luddite
Features: Talents include “Rage Against the Machine,” where rage is generated at double the normal rate or more against mechanical opponents and players wearing engineering goggles.

Unfortunately further talent development has been put on hold until he dev team can figure out why the Deeprun Tram zone keeps crashing every time a luddite specced warrior enters.

Class: Death Knight
Talent Tree: Dark Knight
Features: 1 point talent has character randomly say “I’m Batman” every 5-120 seconds.

Other options for talent points include “Breathe in space” and “Young Ward,” the later of which replaces the summoned ghoul model with a human child dressed in gold, red, and green.

Class: Hunter
Talent Tree: Ebay
Features: Can put points into “Button Masher,” where so long as the player hits any keys on the top row of the keyboard as fast as the global cooldown allows, their DPS will be only 10%/5%/1% less than the 2nd lowest non-healer in the party.

51 point talent is “Gangsta Hunter,” where ranged weapons are held sideways while bad rap music (Yes I am acknowledging that there is good rap music, which is why I’m making the distinction here) plays in the background.  In addition to the change in graphic the hunter’s hit rating is cut in half.  In spite of this huge penalty it is expected that most hunters using this spec will select this talent.

*I’m almost certain Dueg was inside a building when he typed that.  Barring that, he was inside the Earth’s atmosphere.
** As if.
***I’d like to think they’d laugh if I actually contacted them about this.  Or at least anything other than sending an army of lawyer goons against me.

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